CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien. - Bill Watterson
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat. - Bill Watterson
I think most of us would be horrified to meet ourselves and discover what everyone else already knows about us. - Bill Watterson
Failures are very public, and successes are short lived. It's the pleasure of drawing funny pictures that makes up for it. - Bill Watterson
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! - Bill Watterson
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts. - Bill Watterson
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. - Bill Watterson
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! - Bill Watterson
CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment. - Bill Watterson
CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight. - Bill Watterson
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. - Bill Watterson
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back. - Bill Watterson
Unfortunately, we're all "someone else" to someone else. - Bill Watterson
Today my spirit is going to school while my body stays in bed. - Bill Watterson
If we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. - Bill Watterson
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. - Bill Watterson
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience. - Bill Watterson
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. - Bill Watterson
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em? - Bill Watterson
People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. - Bill Watterson
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble. - Bill Watterson
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice. - Bill Watterson
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. - Bill Watterson
Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful. - Bill Watterson
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse. - Bill Watterson
The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you become informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize that nothing is as clear and simple as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. - Bill Watterson
They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.""Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.""We need more special effects and dance numbers. - Bill Watterson
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. - Bill Watterson
Reality continues to ruin my life. - Bill Watterson
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die. - Bill Watterson
Virtue isn't 'better' than vice. It's just different. - Bill Watterson
HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams. - Bill Watterson
I liked things better when I didn't understand them. - Bill Watterson
If you can't win by reason, go for volume. - Bill Watterson
I think of football as a sport the way ducks think of hunting as a sport. - Bill Watterson
As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as I don't even like riding in elevators. - Bill Watterson
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Bill Watterson
HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills. - Bill Watterson
In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. - Bill Watterson
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
Careful. We don't want to learn from this. - Bill Watterson
I have plentyof common sense! I just choose to ignore it. - Bill Watterson
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder. - Bill Watterson
Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.-Hobbes - Bill Watterson
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations. - Bill Watterson
At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own. - Bill Watterson
How come we play war and not peace?""Too few role models. - Bill Watterson
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. - Bill Watterson
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations. - Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me! - Bill Watterson
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him? - Bill Watterson